My Brother From Another Mother
by mr-ariesss
Summary: AU. When his father sent him off to live with his stepbrother who he never heard nor knew about, Allen was too baffled for words. And then he met his sibling, who was polite enough to stab his cheek with a teaspoon of all things. Maybe they'll get along? Somehow? Well, maybe not now, but they have to or else Cross will shoot their faces off. Allen/Kanda broship.
1. Pilot: Duct Tape Solves Everything

I'm taking a break. Let's pretend my four month hiatus didn't happen, and that I'm only taking a break now.

But taking a break from _what_, you might ask. Well I'm taking a break from _Black Carnival_. It is going _HAYWIRE_. And not in a good way. Good god, this is what I get for not planning something at all.

Urgh. It's all my fault. ALLMYFAULT. (But let's pretend it's not for the sake of my ego.)

Oh well. Hopefully when I finally get this out of my mind, I'd have better chances of being productive with _BC._

Disclaimer: I do not own -Man. I only own the mistakes in this story.

* * *

><p><em>Pilot:<em> _Duct Tape Solves Everything_

Ignoring the backpack on his back that probably weighed three times more than him, the teen tried to heave the two heavy suitcases and a small cage out of the trunk of the taxi with much difficulty. He tried for a few more times until the driver decided that he had enough and repeatedly slammed his hand on the honk of the car. The teen sighed and finally realized that he cannot lift all of his bags at the same time, so he instead removed the bags one at a time with two hands. And though it took a lot of strain on his part, he finally managed to carefully drop his three pieces of baggage on the ground.

As soon as he slammed the trunk of the car closed with a huff, the taxi sped off, leaving thick clouds of pollution behind it as a trail. He coughed violently and waved the smoke out of his face. "_Bloody smokebelchers...,_" he muttered under his breath. He pulled out a handkerchief from the back pocket of his white jeans and wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

He turned around and looked up to a three story house, which was surprisingly bright and well maintained. The white metal fence seemed newly painted and the windows were clear of any speck of dirt. The young man chuckled; When he read in the letter that he would be living off without his father, and sent to a house provided by him, he expected something that would highly resemble _Amnityville, _but the bright exterior of his new home defied all his expectations and was really more than satisfactory.

Now all he had left to face was his... he shuddered at the word, _stepbrother_.

Now, believe him when he say that he doesn't like being stereotypical. Hell, he doesn't like _judging _people, but he knew that if the child came from his father, _Cross_, the child had to be messed up, one way or another... It just runs in the family, he guessed with a shrug.

But he shoved all the negative thoughts away, and just hoped that his stepbrother defied his expectations- just like the house.

And so, armed with his heavy backpack, his two _heavier_ suitcases, an animal cage from which soft purrs emitted, and a bright smile on his face, Allen Walker pushed open the low unlocked gate, and marched over to his new home.

* * *

><p>Yuu Kanda had been lounging on the black leather couch in his new residence, contemplating.<p>

The house was clean, fully furnished, using mostly black, white and some hints of red. The pantry was fully stocked, and the four bedrooms on the second floor had fresh, clean sheets and pillows. There was even a small (obviously man-made) pond at the back, complete with koi fishes, and bushes of different kinds of flowers and a few trees.

So, yeah. It wasn't bad at all.

Now all he had left to face was his... he gritted his teeth at the word, _stepbrother_.

Kanda had always been the person who, well, not _specifically _hated _everyone_; But he'd rather be left alone. His rules were simple- Do something stupid, and he will deny he knows you (if he even remembers your name). Do something that will piss him off, and you will die- _in a very creative way_. He does not care about you. Do not touch what is his. Don't talk to him unless it concerns something he cares about (which isn't much). And generally, _just stay the fuck out of his way_.

He snorted as he imagined what his stepbrother would be like. Probably a freak, he scoffed. That was the deal with their _patched up family_. Except his mother. But he knew that she had probably been a little bit crazy to even get married with Cross. But she's still sane.

At the thought of his mother, Kanda's hand had automatically reached up behind his head to touch the silver hair clamp-tie that had an etched cross on it. It had been all they found from the charred remains of his mother. The accessory had been saved from burns as it had been clenched by his mother.

Now, Kanda had always considered himself as an alert person. But he was not the type who'd flip just by hearing a small squeak. He was the type who'd grab his katana and run over to stab and-or attack the general direction of the noise.

So when he heard a vehicle stop near _his _house, he did not bat an eyelash at the noise, but instead reached for his cup of coffee. He closed his eyes, as he held it under his nose, inhaling the rich aroma.

But then he heard the gate creak open, his eyes flew open, then narrowed as he heard the footsteps grow closer. He immediately reached for the space beside him, only to find his sword MIA. He cursed as he realized that it was upstairs, with all his other pieces of luggage. A steady stream of swear words flew out of his mouth as he surrendered to the fact that the only thing he could use to maim whoever was approaching was the teaspoon that was placed innocently on his saucer. He placed down his cup, grabbed the teaspoon, and stood up from the couch.

In three long strides, he was in front of the door. And just as the doorbell rang, he wrenched open the door, and pointed the teaspoon threateningly at the face of the person outside.

"_What the bloody hell?_" "_What the fuck?_"

The least thing Allen had expected when he tried to enter his new home was to have a teaspoon shoved up his face. And then he did a double take. Wasn't he supposed to have a step_brother_? He stared at the rather feminine but angular face glaring _down _at him. He still gulped though. The surprise attack had almost given him a heart attack.

And hell, it was true that Kanda had expected a freak to be his stepbrother, but really? _Really_? A god damn elf, with a mop shocking white, yes, _white_, hair, and a long red scar across his left eye, starting with a pentagon from his forehead down to his cheek. Kanda became more aggressive because of the scar, which suspiciously looked like a tattoo- Kanda wondered if the kid was a Satanist, or if it was a sort of celebratory marking elves got when they reach their maximum height.

Nevertheless, it was a totally awkward scene and Kanda, being the one who's maiming and threatening bodily harm, spoke first. "The hell are you?" he snapped, jabbing the teaspoon harshly at Allen's cheek.

Allen irritably batted the offending eating utensil aside, and forced a smile. "Is that a '_what_' or '_who_' question? Because if you are asking _what_ I am, then I can assure you that I am a hundred percent human." His voice was coated with a thick British accent, which Kanda found annoying. "But if you're asking _who_ I am, then my name is Allen. Allen Walker. And you are..." his smile brightened as he extended out his hand.

Kanda just sharply jabbed the hand away as he gave a low growl. "Don't get smart with me, _Frodo_. The name's Kanda."

Now _that_, set off Allen's bitch mode. Somehow, he was already positively sure that he would not get along with his step_brister_. "I don't suppose that you're the _Teaspoon Fairy_, are you?" he said wryly.

"Move your ass and get in before I get some duct tape and tape your mouth shut. Or better yet, I'll fuckin' mummify your entire head. And _then_ I'd slam the door at your face." Kanda snapped, and jabbed the teaspoon once more on Allen's cheek. The shorter boy tried to dodge but to no avail, was still harassed once more.

As much as Kanda would like to slam the door on the kid's face, Cross had given orders. And as much as he'd like to disobey them, he can't. Because this was his only chance left. His only chance left to... he pushed away the thought.

After a few minutes, which involved a lot of strain on Allen's part, a lot of insults from Kanda's part, and a lot of screeches from whatever was inside Allen's cage, Allen had finally managed to get his things up from the mini staircase of the porch in to the house.

Both sighed (mentally for Kanda, and loudly for Allen, mostly because of exhaustion)as Kanda slammed the door behind them. This was going to be... _fun_?

* * *

><p>Hey there daydreamer, watchu thinkin' 'bout?<p>

The style... The writing style. This is a far cry from my usual style (read: 90 percent dialogue and narration, 10 percent description.)

What the hell happened to me for the past five months?

Nyahaha, but still, I'll think of this as improvement.

Your suggestions, thoughts and critiques are greatly appreciated.

I FINALLY GOT THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM. THANK GOD.

Whatev. DIH is out, y'all.


	2. I Will Punch You, Trust Me, I Will

_ONE: I Will Punch You, Trust Me, I Will_

* * *

><p>"Oi, that room's mine," Kanda called after Allen, just as the white haired boy touched the knob of the door of the room at the very end of the hallway.<p>

Allen rolled his eyes, and turned to face his sibling irritably, "And you couldn't have told me that earlier because...?"

"Because I didn't feel like it, yeah?" Kanda snapped. "Remember, kid, I have your shit," he held up Allen's two suitcases with ease. "One wrong word, and they fly out the window._ Without wings_."

"Just like your napkin?" Allen replied sweetly, not batting an eyelash at Kanda's general direction, as he opened and peeked inside the next room.

Kanda gave him a blank look, raised one of the suitcases higher, and dropped it on the ground, resulting to a muffled '_thump_' echoing across the hallway. "My bad," he smirked. "Should I drop the other?"

"Well, yes. Preferably on my bed," he finally glanced at Kanda, and added, "This would be my room."

"How about I drop it on your head?" The taller teen picked up the suitcase he dropped earlier, and walked over to Allen. He stopped at the doorway, and flung the pieces of baggage, one at a time on the bed.

"Thank you."

"Meaning I could punch you?" Kanda looked hopeful.

"Mhm, yeah, I don't think so." The white haired teen placed the backpack and cage on the floor with a tired sigh. Whatever was in Allen's cage, became more restless, shaking the cage side to side.

Kanda stared at it. "Hey, bitch, how old are you?" he asked.

"Hm? Fifteen. Why?" Allen gave him a curious glance, looking up from one of his suitcases which was now open, with clothes spilling over on the bed.

Kanda was about to comment on how Allen did not look old enough to own, and more importantly, _pet _a _vibrator_, but his answer made Kanda do a double-take. "Wait, hold on. _What_?" he cocked a questioning eyebrow. "Huh, I thought you were twelve," he shrugged, suddenly deeming the subject unimportant.

"Okay, _that's it_," he picked up the cage from the floor, and undid the lock. "Timcanpy, _I choose you_!"

And then a small mass of gold sprung out of the cage, landing on the carpeted floor with grace, hissing.

The cat, no, the _kitten_ was very small, only a few inches taller than Allen's calf. Around its neck, was a black leather collar with a golden cross as a charm.

Timcanpy looked at Kanda, as if sizing up the tall glaring teen in front of him. When Kanda growled back at him, he promptly turned around to face his owner, hissing as if to say, _Really, bitch? You're sending me to duel with a person who probably weighs a hundred times heavier than me? I should send PETA after you. Or better yet, _Cross.

Allen just grinned at him, "You really are Cross's pet," he snickered, and then added in a less audible voice, "_Lazy_."

Kanda snorted as Timcanpy hissed once more at Allen, and jumped on the bed (which was quite an impressive thing, considering how the bed was probably five time taller than him). The moment he sunk on the soft sheets, he closed his eyes, curled his tail around him, and promptly fell asleep.

Allen rolled his eyes up to the heavens, and turned to Kanda. "We have a week until the first day of school, according to Master's, er, _Dad_'s letter. What do you want to do?" he smiled.

"Besides shove your face down the toilet? None, I believe."

"And this is the part where I shove you out the door, yes?"

"Not really, considering how I'm not even in your territory." Kanda's hand gestured to his feet, which were outside the doorway.

"Well, let's change it, then. This is the part where I slam the door on your face, yes?"

"Nah," he yawned. "Satan said we oughta have some "bonding", whatever that means. Slamming the door on my face will be just a wee bit too rude."

"Like you're the one to talk," Allen snorted. "And besides I offered bonding, you denied. Not really my fault."

"Sorry, I thought you offered '_bondage_', not '_bonding_'. Can't tell the difference with that stupid accent of yours. So it's not really _my_ fault." Kanda replied. He started walking away from Allen's room, towards the staircase.

"I will punch you! Trust me, I will!" Allen shouted from his room.

* * *

><p>Allen had always been considered as a heavy sleeper. <em>Always<em>. And Cross absolutely loathed him for that. There had even been that time where they were in China, and the debt collectors in the area had finally caught up with them. They were banging, screaming, and generally, abusing their door, demanding the two to come out and pay their bills.

The British boy almost slept through the entire thing, and Cross had seriously thought of just leaving the little idiot to fend for himself. But then remembered, that Allen was his son, and if he left him to face the attack, he would only prove that he _is _that much of a devil as the people around him say. And so, deciding to recognize his responsibility as a father, grabbed his gun and shot at Allen's pillow, only a few inches from the boy's face.

So now, as he was curled up in his rather comfortable bed, Allen barely heard his stepbrother's yells from downstairs, the curses barely registering on his mind.

"OI, KID, WAKE THE FUCK UP, WE'RE GOING TO THE PARK! MOVE YOUR ASS AND LET'S GO! YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES!"

Allen just sank deeper into the mess of pillows and blankets, completely absorbed in dream land.

It had been silent for quite a while until his genius of a stepbrother realized that there were no signs of movements, nor complains coming from Allen, and decided to march upstairs, yelling threats and curses along the way.

"BITCH, ARE YOU _BLIND_? DID YOU NOT FUCKING _HEAR_ ME? YOU HAVE FIVE FREAKING MINUTES!"

He stopped in front of the door to his stepbrother's room which had a note taped on it- _Welcome to the Dark Side. The cookies are all mine_. "_God damn it_!" he kicked at the door with a rubber shoe clad foot. "Wake up, brat, or else I'm going in! AND TRUST ME, I DON'T WANT YOUR COOTIES!" he yelled, and waited for a response as he shoved both of his hands in the pockets of his gray hoodie.

When Allen still refused to wake up, and after a few more kicks and yells, Kanda grudgingly opened the door. Inhaling deeply before going in, and holding his breath when he started to cross Allen's room, he headed for the bed.

Kanda could only make out Allen's stark white hair, from the pile on the bed. He shook Allen's shoulder roughly. "Oi, kid, wake the fuck up!" he snarled.

Allen's breathing did not change, nor did he stir.

A few more shoves and Kanda finally realized his efforts were futile. Damn it, he thought. Marian didn't mention this in the letter. Should've expected he'll do everything to keep me miserable. _Fuckingsonofabitch. _He looked around the room, and saw a sneaker on the foot of the bed._ Why not?_ he shrugged. He picked it up and held it over Allen's head.

"If you don't wake up, I'll seriously drop this on you," he warned, waiting for Allen to wake up. He growled, when silence answered him, and dropped the shoe on Allen's head.

Kanda's stepbrother decided that heart attacks were, as a matter of fact, not really good to be used as a wake up call. Though very effective, and could garner a wide variety of hilarious reactions, they were not fun. Unless you're the one giving the surprise.

Allen shot up to a sitting position."What the-?" the white haired boy could barely form a coherent sentence, too baffled for words. He shot a shocked look at his sneaker,which had fell on top of the sheets pooled on his lap, and a hating glare at Kanda. "You- Prick- Bastard- Twat-" he stuttered, grabbing his shoe and throwing it at his older sibling.

"Well a fucking good morning to you too." Kanda smirked, dodging the projectile easily.

"_Seriously?_" Allen demanded. He glanced at his bedside alarm clock, "Five in the morning? _Five in the bloody morning_?" he repeated. "_You're batshit insane_!"

Kanda crossed his arms. "Considering how Marian's _our_ father, well then, yes. Yes, I am."

"Lovely. And what, pray tell, do you need from me in the wee hours of the morning, dearest stepbrother of mine who is actually not that dear to me, but is rather, quite a prick?" The British boy asked sweetly, venom dripping from his tone.

"We're going to go to the park."

The response had been said quite bluntly that Allen had to blink. "Wha...?" the word died from his lips, his left eyebrow rising up.

"Don't make me fucking repeat myself, brat. I've been yelling at you for at least thirty minutes. Now put on some jogging pants or whatever you girls wear. Be down in ten minutes," he said, walking out the room.

Allen ignored the jab at his gender, and sneaked himself a smile. _Even if we got off at the wrong foot, at least he's making an effort._ He chuckled inwardly, ignoring the temptation of the bed, and starting to get out of it.

"Also, you better clean your room, it smells like shit!" Kanda yelled, halfway down the staircase.

"Sorry, _mother_!" Allen yelled back, rolling his eyes. "I'll make sure to throw away the cocaine later!"

* * *

><p>Kanda sat crossed leg on the couch, satring at the picture frame in his hands.<p>

America. He was in freaking_ America_. He shivered at the thought.

He remembered back when he was nine- when he first came here with his mother. They had been quite happy, Kanda even managing to befriend two people (it was the other way around) who had been brave enough to even go near him. They had stayed here for around seven years, until word reached Kanda's mother about the health of her mother, Kanda's grandmother. They immediately flew back to Japan. His grandmother had stayed alive for a couple of months, but her old age took over and she died. Kanda and his mother had aimed to stay in Japan, with Cross visiting them every month or so, but not long after Kanda's grandmother's death... Kanda swallowed. After his grandmother's death... "_Shit happened_," he whispered, gripping the frame a little tighter.

So at the funeral, his mother's brother took over him-_ Froi Tiedoll._ The man was nice. Maybe _too_ nice for Kanda's liking, but nice nevertheless. His uncle was friendly, understanding, sympathetic, and generally unable to get angry. Kanda swore, he never saw Tiedoll mad. Not once. Not even that time he set cockroaches, mice, bees, and other insects and animals at his Biology teacher (bastard had it coming for not accepting his essay). Kanda still remembered their address...

Kanda sighed once more, and continued staring at the photograph.

The woman on the photograph looked strikingly just like Kanda. The same blood- Japanese, by the look of it; The same way their eybrows arched; The same pitch black hair which fell, framing their faces. Her eyes, like Kanda, were black, but unlike her son, hers had a twinkle of mischief in them. And whether hereditary or not, their hair was similar- Straightly chopped bangs and sidebangs, with even, long hair at the back. She was hugging a child version of Kanda (who had a frown on his face as if saying '_Get that fucking camera off of my face_' but behind the grimace, the happiness and content was obvious).

Kanda snuck himself a sad smile, and gave one more long look at the picture. He placed it back on top of the drawer beside him just as his stepbrother hopped down the staircase, wearing a white jacket, a pair of jeans, and the sneakers Kanda had dropped on his face earlier.

"I'm ready!" he announced, adjusting his left white leather glove, buttoning it in to place.

Kanda turned to look at him. "Took you long enough," he said, his lip curling to prove his impatience.

"Well, _sorry_. You see, most people have the tendency to be a little slow and tired in the wee hours of the morning, because, you know, they're usually _asleep_ around this time. Also, it did not help that you woke me up in a very _brutal_ way. You wouldn't understand, of course," he grinned cheekily. "Considering how you're not, how do I put this... _human_. Much less do you look like one."

"How do people put up with you?" Kanda demanded, his left eye twitching in annoyance.

"The same way they put up with you- _They don't_." Allen huffed, "Are we going or what? I don't want my supposed precious sleeping time wasted on-,"

"Yes!_ God damn it, yes_! Just shut the fuck up already!" Kanda snapped. "You talk too much! Makes me regret not shoving the shoe down your throat instead." He grabbed the keys placed on top of the coffee table in front of him.

"Oh, _har har_," Allen rolled his eyes, following after Kanda into the kitchen, and through the door connecting the house to the garage.

Even in the darkness, Allen noticed that the driveway was open.

Kanda flicked the switches, and the room was bathed in light. On the middle of it, in the midst of shelves and racks of tools, was a sleek silver_ Innova_.

Allen grinned. "The day I get my license..."

"Is the day you'll die in an accident." Kanda snorted, and moved towards the driver's side.

"Or rather, the day I get my license is the day you get hit by a car." Allen said darkly, entering the passenger side.

"Dream on, kid._ Dream on_."

Once inside, the two found two notes tapes on the dashboard. They each took the one directly infront of their seat, opened the note, and read aloud.

"_Ladyface_," Kanda paused to curse. "_Stop driving like a suicidal maniac. When you hit someone, I don't know you, much less am I related to you. And_, Yuu,_ don't try hitting your brother with this and making it look like an accident. Cross_." His tone grew harder and harder with each word, and he snarled the name of his father at the end.

"_Elf_,- Seriously?" Allen demanded. "_No, you have to wait for your license. Stop your brother if he starts driving like a suicidal maniac. And when you do get you license, Allen, don't try hitting your brother with this and making it look like an accident. Cross_." He groaned, "Are we really that predictable? He's psychic. He is. He _really_ is." He folded the note and placed it in the pocket of his jeans.

The older teen grimaced, "That son of a bitch, how many times do I have to tell him not to call me '_Yuu_'?" he growled, crumpling up the paper and shoving it into the pocket of his hoodie.

"_Yuu_?" Allen questioned. "The hell do you have against a bloody _pronoun_?"

Kanda gritted his teeth. "Idiots who don't know my fucking first name is spelled as Y-U-U should just _shut the hell up_," he gripped the steering wheel, his other hand placing the key in the ignition.

"I'm sorry..." Allen bit his lip.

"Tsk. Fasten your seatbelt, _Elf. _As much as I would like it to happen, your death would be will be very inconvenient for me," Kanda started the engine.

The British boy gave a snort, but still buckled up as told. "Oh bring it on, _Ladyface_."

When they slowly got out off the driveway, Kanda punched a button on his keychain, and the garage door closed down.

The moment they got on the road, Allen instantly regretted asking Kanda to "_bring it on_".

* * *

><p>Hey there, daydreamer. Wachu thinkin' 'bout?<p>

Kanda's backstory. I am a secretive bitch but the answer is obvious... Or _is it_?

Gah. Family bonding and the way Kanda presented it. Makes me go FTW WHY.

You'll find out soon enough anyway.

Also, Adventure in the Park, Kanda's mother and Allen's backstory next.

Ah, yes. Brothers (step) and all, their hatred and insults will conquer all. No matter what we do.

Timcanpy is a Pokemon. 'Nuff said. U MAD, BRO? U JELLY?

My fingers hurt. But this chapter is _worth it_.

Nonexistent knowledge about cars is _nonexistent_.

Sorry about that. How about I just geek about my knowledge about Asian history? No? Okay. /sadtrollface

Whatev. DIH is out, y'all.


	3. Life Is A Highway

_TWO: Life is a Highway, But If You're Driving, Screw It, I'm Walking Home_

* * *

><p>Allen sat frozen on his seat. His pale face seemed whiter than usual (and what is healthy), his storm gray eyes were opened wide, and planted on his face was a look of absolute mortification. If it weren't for how tight his seat belt strapped him down to his seat, he would've been bouncing around the car already... Not that the back of his head was not already slamming repeatedly at the headrest of his seat.<p>

But the pain on his head was nothing compared to the awful sensation in his stomach. _Dammit_, he thought, panicking. He was never one for roller coasters and suicidal maniac drivers, even after years of travelling around with Cross. At least his father had the decency to _not_ shout and curse at people who try to overtake him.

And then, with an earsplitting screech, and more curses from Kanda, the car came to a halt in one of the parking spaces near the park. Allen immediately undid his seat belt, opened his door, and muttered, "Excuse me while I throw up due to your nonexistent driving skills." Then he made a weird retching sound, and promptly rushed off to the nearest bathroom.

Kanda just rolled his eyes, and snorted. He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Pocketing his keys, and heading after Allen, he observed his surroundings. There was a fair amount of people, some jogging, families having an early picnic, lovers enjoying the morning breeze, groups of friends, and whatnot. He glanced at his wristwatch, frowning at the numbers. _5:47 AM_. Clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth in disdain, he went off to check at (taunt) his stepbrother.

The tall Japanese man casually strolled in the bathroom. He smirked when he heard the unmistakable sound of a person throwing up from one of the cubicles. Kanda kicked at the door from which the sounds were coming from. "_It has been brought_," he announced.

"Oh, for God's sake, _shove off_." Allen groaned from inside the cubicle.

"You asked for it, kid. Don't go around getting angry at me." The older man crossed his arms.

Kanda heard the sound of a flush. "Charming," Allen muttered, giving one short glance at his mess. A click of a lock opening was heard, and Allen walked out.

"Besides," Kanda added. "You're _fine_. You didn't have a limb ripped off, yes?"

"Your concern is very touching." Allen walked over to the sink to wash his mouth. "To show my appreciation, I will plan your funeral. Death included."

"Not if I do yours first. And trust me, bitch, it will be very messy."

They walked out the bathroom, Allen just settling with rolling his eyes. "I'm hungry," he groaned, his stomach rumbling to prove his point. It was then that Allen remembered; He had not eaten anything since he arrived last night. He immediately passed out on his bed after a quick shower due to exhaustion.

Kanda snorted, "Can't handle a few hours without food?"

Allen scanned around, "If, by a _few hours_, you mean, around twenty four hours ago, then yes. I most certainly cannot handle it." He spotted a hotdog stand, and whipped his wallet from his back pocket.

"Well, I'm off to feed the monster in my stomach. You want some?" The white-haired boy asked.

Kanda's lip curled, glaring at the stand. Bad memories. Bad bad memories. It reminded him that one time when he was eleven and Lavi-

"Well, Kanda?" Allen prompted, a little bit impatient.

The Japanese man shook his head slightly, but still followed after Allen towards the stand.

"Good morning, five hotdogs, and two upsized iced tea please." Allen ordered cheerfully, as soon as they reached the vendor.

The seller just stared at Allen's appearance for a while, but the scary man glaring at thin air behind the boy terrified the shit out of him, so he chose not to react about the weirdness of the boy. And besides, the boy's cheerfulness was just too contagious, and he can't help but smile back.

He immediately prepared the order, and assumed that the white haired boy was just buying for him and his friend, and not only for himself.

But Kanda, on the other hand, was snapped out of his train of thought when he heard Allen's order. He gave his stepbrother an incredulous look. "_Seriously_?" he demanded.

Allen rolled his eyes. "Doesn't need a genius to figure it out," he snapped.

"You weren't kidding when you said there was a monster in you, weren't you?" Kanda cocked an eyebrow.

His stepbrother sighed. "Yes, Kanda, yes." He handed the vendor the money, and took the paper bags.

"No, but _really_?"

Allen stared at him seriously. "In all honesty, _no_. I'm also buying for my two imaginary friends," he retorted. He held his arms open wide, (each carrying a bag) as if there's a shoulder being hugged in each. "Kanda, meet my imaginary friends- Bob-," he turned to his right, "-And Fred," he turned to his left. "Bob, Fred, meet my insufferable, bitchy, arrogant, sarcastic, and horrible step brother who lacks common sense." Allen dropped his arms and rolled his eyes. "Yes, you twat, they're all mine," he snapped.

Kanda squinted at him. "Then why're you so... _scrawny_?"

"It's not my fault my metabolism is like this!" Allen snapped, defensive.

"Still isn't reasonable." The older man muttered, but shrugged it off.

They started walking towards a near unoccupied bench; Allen started his first hotdog, and managed to wolf down more than half of it, before they even got to their seat.

And Kanda, being the observant person that he was, noticed an unmistakable head of red spikes talking to a girl with long hair which was up into two pigtails.

When the redhead turned around, Kanda saw an eyepatch covering his eye.

The Japanese man cursed.

The red haired man and the girl were a great distance from Kanda and Allen, but the dark haired teen decided to get into action before anything inconvenient (read: the death of his pride) happened.

He stopped Allen just as the white haired boy tried sitting on the bench, grabbing him by the back of the collar of his jacket, and Allen yelping. "No, brat," he muttered as he dragged Allen towards the fields where there were trees. "You're gonna eat there."

Allen gagged, trying to shake out of Kanda's grip. "You prick, I'm bloody eating here!"

His stepbrother ignored his protests, and just dragged him off under a large tree.

"Urgh, you insufferable git!" But Allen still sat under the shade, continuing to eat, and already halfway on his second hotdog.

Kanda sat a fair distance away from Allen, simply rolling his eyes at his stepbrother's insults.

They sat in silence, Allen eating, and Kanda meditating.

The quietness had been awkward. Allen realized that without their constant arguments, it was quite irksome. But Allen knew that it was perfectly normal considering how they've never met each other until last night. And their conversations (if you could call them that) had been short, nothing personal, and made up mostly of teasing, insults, retorts, and a colorful vocabulary. They barely know anything about each other, and the first conversation they had had not really went that well.

Allen sighed. They'll get used to being stepbrothers, he guessed. Just... not now. First, they had to learn how to stop arguing, and more importantly, they have to know each other. Allen thought Kanda was not the one to initiate a proper conversation, and that the older man had already done enough (for now) in the effort department by bringing him here, so Allen decided to talk first.

"So why the park?"

"Because this is where I will bury you when I murder you tonight." Kanda muttered, eyes closed.

Allen frowned around the his straw. "I really can't have a decent conversation with you, huh?"

"No," was Kanda's curt reply.

"But honestly though, why here? Why so early at the bloody morning?"

The dark haired teen sighed. "Because this is the only place where I could get some fresh air. And because if now there are many people, imagine how many would be here when everybody's awake."

"Oh." The British boy blinked, finishing his third hotdog, and starting his fourth one. "But why not at the benches? Not that I'm complaining about the trees, but did you really have to pull me by my collar?"

"Because I foresaw that whoever sits on that bench will get mauled and kidnapped by aliens. Be thankful, brat, I saved your life. Don't make me regret it."

"Let me thank you by shaving off your hair while you sleep."

"Oh, really? Because if there's anyone here who needs to have their hair shaved, it's _you_." Kanda huffed. "Seriously, brat, _white hair_? Were you high when you decided to dye your hair?"

"Hey! I did not dye my hair! It just slowly turned white!" Allen cried, gagging a little bit from his iced tea. "And probably because of stress from Cross..." he added, shivering slightly as he remembered his _adventures_ (dare he call it that) with his father.

"...What's_ he_ like, anyway?" Kanda wondered, opening his eyes and actually looking at his stepbrother. He was mildly shocked though, on the dark, if not _evil_ look on Allen's face.

"Oh, trust me when I say calling it '_hell_' would not do it enough justice." The white-haired teen muttered darkly. "Imagine Kanda, you're just nine bloody years old and you're already running around the earth, your father leaving debts and collectors chasing you around. It's way worse than that actually." But then a frown marred his face, and he added in a weird tone, "But after all the near death experiences, I guess I do have to thank him... He did toughen me up, after all."

Kanda actually had to snort at that. "_Toughen you up_? Really, bitch, one short ride with me and you almost puked your organs out. Real tough, kid." He dodged the lame punch thrown at him. "No wonder my mother did not want me going off with Marian without her."

"If you've went off alone with Cross, you probably won't be here right now. Maybe working as a waiter in some restaurant in Madagascar to pay for his debts." Allen chuckled, but then stopped. "Your mother...?" he trailed off, a look of confusion spreading on his face.

Kanda scowled and muttered something, looking away from Allen's general direction.

"What? I can't hear you, Kanda."

"Anita," The older man said louder. "Her name _is_ Anita."

"Oh. Lucky you, you actually know your mother."

"Wha...?" Kanda looked at Allen weirdly.

The British boy sighed. "Yes, I have no memory of my mother whatsoever. Cross said he'd tell me '_when the time is right_'. Bloody hell, I'm fifteen already!"

"Wait, _what_?" Kanda blinked You're fifteen? I thought you were eight."

"And I thought you were a girl. Strike that, you _are_ a girl. Deal with it, _princess_."

"Dream on, my fuckin' _toenail_ is manlier than you. Suck it up, bitch, go ahead, wear your heels. You'll be needing them to even reach my shoulder."

"And now we're back to arguing." Allen sighed, returning back to his food.

The silence was back, with Allen finishing his last sandwich and finally washing it all down with his second iced tea, and Kanda just sitting there. The British boy just decided to break it once more when he noticed something.

"Hey, Kanda..."

"_What_?"

"When you didn't want us to sit on the bench..."

"I fucking told you already, the freaking aliens-"

"...It had something to do with those two people walking over towards us, huh?"

Kanda froze, lifting his head to look at where Allen was pointing. The redhead and the girl Kanda saw earlier was heading towards the tree where the stepbrothers sat, they were near enough for Kanda to hear the shouts of his name.

"Kanda!" "Yuu!"

Allen stared at the two curiously, still sipping at his beverage. "Kanda, you weren't kidding when you said that aliens would come, weren't you?"

"No. Not at all." Kanda cursed, realizing that running would be useless since the two were already near them. He stood up, a scowl on his face.

"The fuck do you want?"

"You, baby, _you_!" The redhead grinned, tackling Kanda. The Japanese teen irritably sidestepped and his attacker stumbled, hitting the tree instead and falling ass-first beside Allen (who slowly inched away from him).

"No. Just _no_." Kanda snapped, prodding the redhead with his rubbershoe-clad foot. "And you?" he turned to the girl.

Going nearer the Japanese teen, the crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "What, I'm not allowed to say 'hi' to a friend I haven't seen for a long time?"

Kanda just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Lenalee..."

Lenalee laughed and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing the teen with all her might. "We've missed you, Kanda." She pulled back and noticed Allen, who had his fingers forming a cross and holding it near his face as the redhead talked cheerfully in front of him.

"And is this the stepbrother Bookman told us about? Lavi, stop it, you're freaking him out!" She scolded the redhead lightly, smiling at Allen.

Lavi groaned something, pouting at her, but stood up anyways.

"Hello, I'm Lenalee." She held out her hand, and Allen- more than happy about the interruption- stood up, wiped his hands on some tissue paper and shook the girl's hand.

"Allen Walker, nice to meet you, Ms. Lee," he smiled back.

"Oooh, you're a charmer!" Lenalee chuckled. "Why didn't Kanda become as polite as you?"

Allen glanced at Kanda, who was trying to push a grinning Lavi away from him. The white haired teen looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. "Because he obviously was not patient enough to wait on the line for charm, respect, and the likes. He skipped it and went over to the dark side."

Lenalee laughed and the other two overheard.

"Yes, and you obviously skipped the line for masculinity and height!" Kanda snapped back.

Allen frowned at him.

"Oh, I like him already, Lenalee!" Lavi snickered. "His hair is white, he has a body of a self-conscious anorexic girl yet he ate five hotdogs in one sitting, he has that cool tattoo over his eye, I think our fence is taller than him, his accent is epic, and he's actually brave enough to retort to Kanda!"

"Er, thank you?" Allen said, a little irked at the redhead's overly cheerful and rapid words. "I'll... just take that as a compliment, I guess."

Lenalee elbowed Lavi on the ribs. "Like you're the one to talk, Red." She turned to Allen, "Sorry about him, he's just such a bitch sometimes."

Allen laughed. "Oh don't worry about that, in the few hours I've known Kanda, and in the years I've spent with our father, I'm quite used to insufferable people." He snickered at the sneer Kanda gave him

"See, Lena? _Epic_."

* * *

><p>Hey, daydreamer. Whachu' thinkin' 'bout?<p>

Allen's backstory, WHERE FOR ARTH THOU?

Because I could barely see you in this chap.

Well, I've decided to do this slowly, I want to see the step-by-step progress of their brotherhood.

Nothing against anorexic people, yeh? YEH. Like Lena said, Lavi could be such a bitch.

Let's admit it, people, at one point in our lives, we all had imaginary friends. Some of us still do. I still have mine. And they'll never leave. Because I love them. They would always be in my heart, my mind, and my personal space.

My god, this is slowly turning into an elegy.

At least we now know who Kanda's mother is.

Though I don't think it's really a shocker; I bet you guys knew form the start (when I said something about his mother being burned). And besides, they really _do _look alike! I mean, I can't be the only one who thought about Kanda and Anita being related when I saw her! I MEAN, THEY EVEN HAD THE SAME HAIR. (Except for Anita's sidebangs, but WHATEV.) REALLY GUYS, I FELL OFF MY COUCH WHEN I FIRST SAW HER.

Now all we have left is to find out who Allen's mother is.

HINT: It is not Cross's hand.

HINT II: Maria.

HINT III: Ignore HINT II. The cake was a lie.

NYAHAHA, ignore them all. JUST WAIT AND YOU WILL SEE, YOU WILL SEE SOMEWHEEEERE OVEEEER THE RAIIINBOOOWWW. (Sorry, I just _had_ to. Excuse my bullshitery.)

Sorry 'bout Lavi and Lena having only a small part in this. (Don't worry though, they'd be regulars on the next parts, since this brotherhood would not work without Lavi molesting Allen, and provoking Kanda, and without Lenalee making everyone calm the fuck down.)

This is a lil' shorter than usual, I think.

BUT WHATEV.

DIH is out, y'all.


	4. And This, This Is Better Than

_THREE: And This, This Is Better Than... (This Is Sparta)_

* * *

><p>"-And, oh God, next thing we knew-BAM! Kanda was covered from head to toe with hot sauce!" Lenalee laughed both at the story and at the scowl that marred Kanda's face.<p>

Allen snickered. "And the next time he saw Lavi...?"

"The next time he saw Lavi, Kanda almost ripped his face off." The girl grinned, punching Lavi's arm lightly.

"Y'see, I'm still waiting for the day that Yuu-dear would realize that, Jesus Christ, _I wear an eyepatch for a reason_!" Lavi whined, shooting a dirty look at Kanda who was sitting across him on the picnic table that they were eating on.

"And I'm still waiting for the day that you would realize that I don't give a shit." The Japanese teen crossed his arms, managing to elbow Allen's head in the process; whether intentional or not was unclear, but Allen still elbowed him back, only managing to jab at his ribs.

"Urgh, really, Kanda? You're a bloody _metre_ away from me! Bugger off!" Allen irritably batted Kanda's arm away when the older man tried to elbow him again as revenge.

"_Me_?" Kanda demanded in an equally irritated tone. "Bitch, you're the fatass here, you occupy too much space! Do you know how much you've eaten?"

"Hey, that's hitting below the belt! And I've told you already, it's not my fault that my metabolism is like this!" The British boy said defensively.

"You don't even have _anything_ below your belt!"

"Well at least I don't have a _vagina _underneath my belt!"

From across the table, Lenalee and Lavi were watching the two, amused. "You two are so dysfunctional and total opposites, I do not know if I should laugh and let you continue, pray for your sanity and health, be freaked, or stop you two from ripping each other's throat out." Lenalee grinned around the straw of her Diet Coke.

Lavi snickered. "Ya should totally just settle with the first one, Lena."

"Sadist," the girl muttered, and the redhead just stuck out his tongue at her. She rolled her eyes and studied how Kanda and Allen interacted. Lenalee knew that all Kanda needed (and wanted, but the man was too proud to admit) after his mother's death was a family figure; someone who would be there for him. And Lenalee knew the feeling herself.

"Kanda, let go of that teaspoon immediately!" Lenalee scolded lightly just as Kanda picked up a plastic teaspoon from Lavi's ice cream cup to maim Allen with. "No weapons, boys. And yes, that means you can't use your belt to strangle Kanda with, Allen."

And so the two just settled with grimacing and returning back to eating.

There was it again, Lenalee frowned mentally. That awkward silence between Allen and Kanda when they weren't arguing. Lenalee understood that they've only met each other recently (she was not sure of the exact date, and made a mental note to ask Kanda later) and that they barely know each other, but the tension was just _frustrating_!

She elbowed Lavi's side and the redhead winced in pain. "The hell...?" he trailed off, looking at Lenalee with one eyebrow raised.

Lenalee roughly pulled him down by his colar and her eyes flickered to Allen and Kanda's direction.

He noticed what the girl was pointing out. "Oh," came Lavi's intelligent response. "Sexual tension?"

The girl in pigtails rolled her eyes and flicked Lavi's forehead.

"But, Lenaleee..." the redhead whispered, a hint of whining in his tone.

"What?" An irritated voice cut off their conversation. The two looked up to see Kanda frowning at them while Allen was staring and eating at the same time.

"_Lavi_ wants to play a game." Lenalee said in a faux exasperated tone.

"What? Dude, no, not me-" But then the girl elbowed him once more and he changed course. "I mean, me. Yes, me. Totally. Like, hell to the yeah." He grinned, but when Lenalee faced Kanda, he shook his head, a look of panic on his face.

"No." Kanda pursed his lips to prevent it from curling in a snarl.

"But why not?" Lenalee frowned.

"Because I like being alive." The Japanese teen replied curtly.

"Um. Wow. With all the anger, angst, and non-existent intelligence you go around spitting out, I thought you're the Grim Ripper himself." Allen stopped eating just to drop off that jab.

"And with all the markings, lack of height, and non-existent masculinity you go around vomiting out, I thought you're an elf. And yes. _Yes, you are_." Kanda sniped back.

Lenalee decided to intervene before anything harmful happened. "So... Are we playing or what?"

"No."

"Yes."

"It's a trap..." Lavi whispered helpfully, which earned him another bruise on his side.

"I don't see why not, Kanda." Allen frowned, finishing off his meal, and wiping his lips with a napkin.

"Bitch, you've heard that hot sauce story. Figure out the rest."

"But still!" Lenalee protested, even if a smile was creeping on her lips.

"Rock-paper-scissors. I win, we play; You win, we _still_ play" The white haired boy turned to Kanda with a challenging and determined look on his face.

"Fine," Kanda snapped, barely paying attention to what Allen said, and only concentrating on winning.

He swore to God at that moment that if he lost, he was going to cut off his hand for failing him.

But the result favored the older of them.

"I won, bitch." Kanda's smirk was taunting, but Allen just grinned.

"Yes. I could totally see. Congratulations. Would you like a medal?"

"Your severed hand would be enough." Kanda retorted.

"Well, mutations and chopping up my body aside, considering how you've won, we will play, after all." Allen's grin grew wider.

"The fuck, kid? _I won_!" The Japanese teen replied incredulously.

"Lenalee..." The fifteen year old trailed off, gesturing to the girl.

"You see, Kanda, when Allen made the conditions, he said, quote, unquote- I win, we play; You win, we still play." Lenalee grinned herself.

"See, Kanda? It's not my fault your brain can't comprehend much details. I'm sorry, I'll make sure to use simpler words next- _LENALEE_!" Allen dodged the teaspoon thrown at him.

Lenalee rolled her eyes and scolded the two lightly, considering how they were gaining weird looks, specially with the supposedly censored shouts the two (mostly Kanda) were giving:

"_YOU WANKER, THIS IS SPARTA_!"

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP, FRODO, OR I'LL SHOVE A LIGHTSABER UP YOUR ASS_!"

"_THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME MOVIE, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!_"

"_AT LEAST MY FACTS ARE STRAIGHTER THAN YOUR SEXUALITY!_"

Lenalee made a move to stop the two, but Lavi held her back.

She looked questioningly at him but he shook his head and gestured to the fight in front of them. "And this, Lena- _This is better than porn_."

* * *

><p>Kanda frowned. "What?"<p>

"Oh, sorry, we used big words again." Allen grinned and exchanged highfives with Lavi.

"And I present to you my new best friend." The redhead swung an arm around the younger boy's shoulder.

"Which totally breaks my heart, like, oh so much." Lenalee sniffled and wiped an imaginary tear from her eye.

"Aw naw, Lena, y'know you'd always be first in my heart. Well, second, actually, Yuu comes first."

"Still painful, Red- Moving on! Please, Kanda?" Lenalee pleaded.

Kanda's frowned just stayed on his face. "No, just no."

The girl flicked his forehead. "It's just a simple game of Two Truths and One Lie!"

"Yes, but with Yuu around, it's bound to turn into a fun game of hide and seek, Marco Polo, run-for-your-life tag, and Two Truths and One Lie all rolled into one." Lavi let out a snicker.

"Still sounds fun." Allen decided. "I'm still in!"

"Come on, Kanda!" Lenalee nagged.

"Woman, do you not understand the concept of 'no'-"

But then the muffled, speedy rapping of Nikki Minaj filled the air.

Lavi didn't bother hiding his snicker. "Super Bass? Really, Lenalee? _Really_?"

"Like your song choices are any better," Lenalee scowled at him, but then she turned to Kanda and a smirk found its way on her face. "Oh would you look at that!" she grinned as she dug in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She flipped it open and held the device to her ear.

"_Lenalee! I thought you'd never answer! I was so worried! What if-_," A worried male voice started rambling from the other line.

"Oh, Jesus, Komui, it was just a few seconds, calm down!" Lenalee sighed.

"_But_-,"

"Anyways, you have perfect timing!" The girl cut off, looking sideways at a glaring Kanda. "Someone here won't... do what I, er, _Lavi_ wants."

There was silence for a while and then, "_Kanda_?"

"Eeexactly! If you would?" She nodded when she got a response and cheerfully held her phone out to Kanda. When he didn't take it, she placed it near her again. "_Komui..._" she mumbled, using a tone that made her sound like the saddest person alive.

"_Kanda! You better-_"

Kanda snatched the phone from Lenalee's hand and all but screamed. "All right, _all right_! What is fucking up with you people and your endless need to humiliate the shit out of me?" he snapped, surrendering to all the stupidity.

Allen thought thought that this 'Komui' guy was some sort of heroic figure to be able to force Kanda in to something so irritating for the man. He also wondered why the two were going to such lengths for just a small game.

"Thanks very much, Komui!" Lenalee said, bursting with glee, when she got back the phone. "I love you so much!"

"_Oh, how I love you too!_"

Lavi made a face and pretended barfing.

Lenalee snorted at him. "Bye bye, Komui."

"_Wait, Lenalee, there's a reason I called-_" And she promptly hung up the phone.

"You are so mean," Lavi grinned.

"Doesn't really matter," she grinned back, then turned to look at Kanda tauntingly.

"I hate you," the Japanese teen snapped, baring his teeth.

"Oh, please, you hate everyone. I don't feel special." Lenalee waved his words off, a smug and contented look on her face.

All the time, Allen was silent, just biting his lip and staring at the ground. Lavi waved a hand in front his face, "Problem, bro...?"

"I have to meet him."

"What?" Lenalee asked, confused.

Allen looked up and stared at her straight on the eyes.

"Your _boyfriend_. I have to meet him. If he could terrify Kanda into something he doesn't like, then I have to meet him. And praise him and congratulate him and- why are you laughing?"

And as a matter of fact, his companions really were laughing; even Kanda let out a few snickers.

"Why are you laughing?" Allen asked again, still confused. Lavi and Lenalee still haven't stopped laughing. The girl, clutching her stomach, red faced.

"_Wha_...?" The British boy trailed off.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Lavi said when he finally calmed down, wiping a tear from his eye. Lenalee, on the other hand, was still stifling her giggles and laughter behind her hand.

"It doesn't seem like it's nothing." Allen narrowed his eyes suspiciously as Lavi wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

"No, really, it's nothing. You should totally meet Lenalee's _boyfriend_ some time." The redhead grinned, raising an eyebrow at Lenalee.

"Yeah. Totally. Like, fo' sho'," she said between giggles, playing along with Lavi.

"...I have a bad feeling about this," Allen declared, inching away from Lavi.

Kanda frowned at him. "Now you know how I feel. If only you're not so fucking ignorant."

"Never knew you had feelings, Kanda," Allen snapped.

Lenalee glanced at Lavi; she ignored the pout given to her and gave him a scowl. The redhead sighed and cut in the steadily heating argument. "Now, now, children, let's all chill the fuck out and save whatever nonexistent dignity we have left-" he dodged the punch thrown by Kanda.

"I still don't get it why Lenalee and Lavi's laughing." Allen huffed, backing off the arguement, and crossing his arms.

The two started laughing again.

"_See_?" Allen gestured to them.

His stepbrother scowled at them. "Urgh. Komui's not Lenalee's boyfriend."

"He's my brother." Lenalee chirped in, calming her self.

"Then why-" Allen was cut off by Lavi.

"He's just a _little_ in love and protective of Lena here." Lavi said.

"Oh." Allen blinked, and the he blushed. "I'm sorry, Lenalee."

"No worries!" She laughed but then added, seriously, "You should still meet him, though. He'd freak out if he suddenly sees you with me without being introduced first."

"O...kay?" The British boy raised an eyebrow. "Forget whatever I said about wanting to meet him. But if it helps, then sure, let's go meet him."

"To the BatMobile!" Lavi exclaimed, whipping around and pointing towards the general direction of the parking lot.

"Don't even bother saying no, Kanda." Lenalee grinned. "We saw how you and Allen arrived."

But Kanda still opened his mouth to whine so Lenalee cut him off. "Not unless... you know... I could tell Komui that even when you brought a car with you, you still wouldn't-"

"Fine! Just- Gah, _fine_! Just get in the fucking car and end all my misery!" Kanda snapped.

The three laughed. Lenalee gave Lavi another eyebrow raise and Lavi quickly pushed Allen behind him. "Race you there, Brit!" he laughed as he ran towards the parking lot.

"No fair!" Allen shouted, laughing, and he raced off towards Lavi.

Kanda muttered a profanity under his breath and made a move to follow, but Lenalee held him off. "_What_?"

Lenalee frowned at him. "Don't use that tone on me, Kanda."

The man just rolled his eyes at her. "What?" he repeated, less snappier this time.

"I just want to know how you're dealing with him... with _all of this_."

Kanda actually scoffed, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. "She's dead, what can I fucking do? And kid's a fuckin' pain," he said, placing one between his lips and lighting it.

"No, really, Kanda." The girl sighed and crossed her arms.

He took a long drag and silence was present for a while, then, "I'm fine, Lenalee." There was a hint of exasperation in his tone.

"It's been a long time."

"And I repeat, I'm fine."

"Just..." Lenalee's frowned deepened. "Just... take care of him, okay? He looks like he needs all the support he can get."

"Really? With all the retorts I get, you would think he could fucking take the entire world head-on."

"He needs you Kanda... _You_ need _him._"

"Dream on, Lenalee." Kanda smirked as he started walking away.

* * *

><p>Hey, daydreamer! Whachu' thinkin' 'bout?<p>

Y THE SUDDEN DRAMA? (Did you guize even see that or whaaaatttt? /neverreallygoodwithdrama/)

GAH. PROMISES FROM THE PREVIOUS. YOU ARE ALL BROKEN.

/This chapter is so not what you expected, am I right or am I right? Iamright./

/This one is shorter than usual, I think./

I'm sorry for not updating for quite a long time. (_Black Carnival_ followers have already started hunting me on tumblr.) But I prioritized this first and my aunt is already forcing me to get some sleep.

ANDBESIDES. Mybodycan'ttakeitanymore. Seriously guys, I COULD BARELY KEEP MY EYES OPEN. (Thus the numerous amount of typos and grammar fail.) (HA. EXCUSES. YOU CANNOT SUE MEEEEE.)

Not so much humor here, I think. Whatev whatev. I'll make it up to you guize next time. /Come to think of it, O ALLEN'S BACKSTORY, WHERE FOR ARTH THOU? THY PRESENCE ARTH NOT FELT AGAIN. (How the hell do you speak like that?)/

Sorry if I never reply to the reviews. Like, really. I AM SO SORRY. I'm doin' mah best. Thanks for all of them, though. Thanks very much.

Gahgahgahgahgahwhatev. I'm just rambling. Imma end this nao, 'cause goddamn I AM TIRED.

But WHATEV.

TDIH is out, y'all!


	5. Ultimate Nerds

_What Instrument Does An Ultimate Nerd Play, Though  
><em>

* * *

><p>"Okay, so uh one, I'm the DDR King; two, I've seen Yuu in his birthday suit like- god damn <em>ow<em>, asshole- yeah like seven times- don't give me that look, Al- and three, I'm a pirate."

"Um, no." Lenalee pulled a face at him, turning around from the passenger seat beside Kanda.

Lavi maturely pulled a face back. "Lee, no, don't shit on my game!"

"Um, _no_," she repeated. "We've been through this pirate thing before, and the answer is still no."

"I have-,"

"I don't care if you have the eye patch to 'prove' it."

A tongue was stuck out at her as a reply. "Whatever forever, Miss Lee. So, friends, which one is the-,"

"Pirate!"

"Uh, the pirate thing?"

"I don't give a shit."

"One day, I will be able to finish a sentence without interruption in this group and when that day comes, it will be _glorious_. And come on, Yuu, give me something."

Kanda frowned at him from the rear mirror. "Two, because we all know that that's bull."

Lavi raised his one visible eyebrow. "Wow, okay, Kanda actually got it right; Is this our friendship powers or were you really just keeping track so you know I've really seen your entire hooha like twelve times?"

Kanda gave a short glance at Allen and Lenalee. "I'm going to drive us off a cliff, _okay_?" He said it slowly, as if talking to small children who did not understand the concept of not setting themselves on fire to avoid pain and panic.

Allen rolled his eyes at him and Lenalee lightly punched him on the arm. She turned back around on her seat to face Lavi. "Kanda's right, though, that's-," and here she lowered her voice down a few notches in an attempt to imitate Kanda's voice, but only resulted in her sounding like a very angry burly construction worker which yes, offended Kanda, "_bull_ and you know it; God knows you're not a pirate."

"Technically-," and Lenalee once again rolled her eyes passionately because when Lavi pulls out the word 'technically', somebody gets proven wrong and has their entire argument shit on not only by the teen himself, but also by his entire clan, both deceased and existing. Lavi paused to lean against Allen, "That's the face of someone about to be proven wrong, Al," he stage-whispered in a painfully really loud voice.

And in the background, one would hear Kanda muttering something that highly resembles, "Fuckin' idiot can't whisper to save his life." Or something along those lines with one or so more profanities.

The British teen then rolled his eyes at him too, though not as exasperatedly as Lenalee and with a lot more amusement.

"Why do I feel like Lenalee's gone through that 'technically' more times than she would ever have wanted?" He chuckled, and Lenalee grinned at him.

"You don't even know, Allen," she snickered, reaching out and poking Lavi's cheek, seeing how the redhead pulled a face at her. "I hope it freezes like that this time."

He huffed and crossed his arms. "_Technically_- if you look into the definition of the word 'pirate' on any given and approved dictionary as of the latest volume, you will see that the definition of the word in question includes- but is not limited to - quote unquote 'an individual who downloads or reproduces another's work for profit without permission, usually in contravention of patent or copyright.'- So, yes. Technically, I _am_ a pirate. _Try_ me, Miss Lenalee Lee!"

Allen raised an eyebrow. "Uh-,"

Kanda cut him off. "He's a fucking nerd; leave it at that."

"Um, _no_. That was some smashing Ace Attorney _shite_. Fantastic."

"Oh my God, marry me! Edgeworth was my childhood hero okay, I used to walk around with a fuckin' cravat around my neck!"

Allen looked like he saw Jesus transfigure right in front of him. "Yes, okay, when do you want to get- actually no I won't go that far unless you propose with a shiny Espurr." He narrowed his eyes at the redhead.

"Um, _no_. Unless, by some universal fuck up of luck distribution where all good fortune has been transferred into me and my 3DS, I manage to catch two, then pick out flowers because we are going to be wed, babe."

"Allen, no! When we were kids, he promised me a shiny Ponyta and up til now my boxes does not have anything shinier than Kanda's sword!"

"Fuckin' nerds, I swear. Why am I even in the same vicinity as you all." Kanda groaned as he pulled over roughly at a stop light, nearly hitting a pedestrian. He, of course, as a good and respectable citizen who is maneuvering a fifty ton chunk of metal at a speed which made people why the hell he has not yet been pulled over by a cop yet, decided to ram his hand on the horn on the car repeatedly as if saying, 'hurry the fuck up, I have three nerds as passengers and I want to drive straight into a brick wall as soon as possible.'

Lenalee lightly slapped his hand away to keep him from abusing the horn and the ears of anyone within earshot any further. "Pressing that like a chimp on LSD is not going to make the light turn green any faster," she scolded lightly.

"Watch me, Lenalee." Kanda curled his lip at her, earning him a flick on the forehead. "Fuckin' _ow_, lady! Why are you always hell bent on hurting me as fucking much as possible?" He scowled and she smiled in return.

"I'm giving you what you deserve, Kanda. And I'm not hell bent on hurting only you- I can hurt Lavi, too-," she turned and reached over Lavi who was in a very intense discussion with Allen over Noctis Caleum, and also gave him a flick on the forehead. "_See_?"

Kanda scowled harder at her and turned back to driving as the light has turned green.

"The fuck was that for, Lee?" He pouted.

"Just in case."

* * *

><p>"This is dumb as fuck." Kanda said in a voice that awfully sounded like he was about to start complaining again.<p>

"What was that, Kanda? You awfully sounded like you were about to start complaining again." Allen kicked the back of Kanda's seat, sticking his tongue out when his step-brother turned around to hiss menacingly at him.

"I am going to _piss_ on everything you love."

"Unsanitary and vulgar; charming combination. Just play, Kanda." Allen rolled his eyes, brushing off the threat without so much as flinch. Deep in his mind, though, he was planning on maybe changing the lock of his door and maybe installing a few traps and extra locks all over his possessions.

"Don't tell me what to-,"

But then Lenalee just seemed to accidentally elbow him on his right side if ribs, which is quite a feat since he didn't even notice her lean to his side, over the gear stick.

"Fucking ow, lady, you're out to kill me, aren't you?" He curled his lip at the tongue she stuck out at him. "Fuckin' dweebs are out to assassinate me, I swear. Fuck, uh, fine. I've only been to Japan like, twice. I can spell shit backwards. I'm fluent in four languages. There, fuckin' deal with that."

Lenalee raised an eyebrow. "Now this is actually quite hard. Wow, good job, Kanda."

"Yeah, well think about it until I go home so you all stay shut up." He almost hit another pedestrian as he rounded a corner. "Fuckin' watch where you're going, asshole!" Ah yes, Yuu Kanda. Part time verbally abusive traffic enforcer, bringing order to the streets and blessing people with friendly reminders to watch where they're fucking going.

"I think it's the first." Allen suddenly piped up from his seat.

"Nah, babe, it's totally the third. I know Yuu's fluent in like, five languages: Japanese, English, French, Spanish, and Profanities."

"Amazing." The British teen returned the grin Lavi gave him.

"You two are so suicidal, I swear." Lenalee glanced at them from the rearview mirror, her own smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "And I'm going with Allen on this one. Kanda doesn't look like he's only been in Japan twice."

Kanda actually let out a snort. "Fuckin' kid and Lenalee got it right, what the fuck. I've been there like four times."

Lavi pulled a sad look at him. "Baby, no, our friendship powers totally dictated that to me but I ignored it because- holy crap, wait, you can actually spell shit backwards?"

"Did I fucking say it was the lie?"

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Lenalee turned to look at Kanda. "You helped me practice for that spelling bee when Lavi was sick back in grade five."

"Oh my god, do it! Spell shit backwards!" Lavi leaned forward excitedly, and Allen leaned a bit too, an amused eyebrow raised.

"t-i-h-s."

Allen laughed and whispered a "he got you good" as Lavi flopped back down on his seat. "I fucking hate you."

"Fantastic."

* * *

><p>"Okay, um, I have a hundred forty-seven pairs of shoes; I have hospitalized a man for three weeks; And, uh, my cupcakes are stellar as heck."<p>

"Lenalee lee, I- wow, holy shit, I knew you loved shoes but?" Lavi left his sentence hanging, actually more impressed than mortified than his tone implied.

"Shush, Lavi, you're not even sure if that is a lie or not."

Allen looked at Lenalee for a few seconds before saying, "I have no doubts that you are capable and actually _have_ hospitalized a full grown male adult. I can imagine you throwing a spanner in the works of-,"

"Sorry but, _what_?" Lavi interrupted, sending the same slightly confused look Lenalee gave Allen.

The young boy blinked, but then gave out a chuckle as he realized what his two new friends were confused with. "Throwing a spanner in the works- or in terms you're familiar with- _beating the shite out of_. So like, I can totally imagine Lenalee _beating the shit__e_ out of a full grown six foot five inches man with bulging muscles, a beard, a mustache, and a weird accent that turns his '_you_'s to '_yer_'s."

Lavi barked out a laugh, and pulled the teen into a light one-arm head lock. "Aw, man, Kanda, you are one lucky Jap! Imagine having to listen to this kid all day, imagine how fuckin' fantastic that would be!"

Kanda grumbled something from his seat that sounded vaguely like "_I will find a cliff and I will drive us off of it and I will be the only one who will survive_".

"Whatever, Kanda. But yeah," Allen turned to Lenalee. "I can totally see you sending a man to a hospital."

"Why thank you very much! Now, dweebs and Allen, which one is the lie?"

"Shoes." Lavi let out a snort, and turned to the British teen. "Allen, her if she offers you cupcakes, take the whole batch and split it with me, but if she offers you any pastry other than her cupcakes, decline and parkour away. Parkour away as far as you can. Trust me on this- OW!"

Lenalee, who was obviously a master at contorting her body to hit unsuspecting people on the arm, managed once again to twist around from her seat and punch Lavi on the arm. "Shut up, nerd. I'm working on my other pastries and they're starting to taste, uh, _edible_ now."

The redhead stuck his tongue out in reply. "_Of course_, Miss Lee. But I still say shoes."

"Me too." Allen said. "And don't worry, Lenalee, I'm sure all your pastries would taste great."

Lenalee turned again and pinched Allen on the cheek. "You are _so cute_!"

Kanda snorted at that and Allen kicked the back of his seat. "Fuck you, kid. And yeah, Lenalee, shoes."

The girl clasped her hands together, and smiled brightly. "Good to know that we have established that I kick ass and make delicious cupcakes!"

"Well you can't possibly own one hundred forty-seven pairs of shoes." Lavi raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not." She huffed, as if insulted. "_I have like two hundred fifty_."

* * *

><p>"I can't play any instrument; I've joined a traveling circus before; I can shoot a gun."<p>

"Please please _please_ tell me that you can _really _shoot a gun because that would be totally fantastic." Lavi begged Allen, and then gasped when an idea struck him. "Maybe you can even beat Kanda on Time Crisis!"

"Fucking dream on, kids." Said teen snapped at them, roughly swerving around a U-turn and rattling the two teens in the backseat. "Bet you he won't even get past the fuckin' bugs."

Allen gave him an odd, dark look which made Lavi scoot away from him. "_A bet, you say_?" He chuckled, and Lavi swore to every heavenly deity the temperature in the car dropped by _fifteen degrees_. "_Consider it granted_, _Kanda_." The kid gave one last low chuckle and then the temperature was back to normal and so was the look on the teen's face.

"I... _holy shit_." Lavi looked at him with a wide eye. "That was oddly terrifying. And hot. I'm _confused_."

Lenalee also gave him a weird look. "I'm not even going to ask what just happened and just say that I don't think you don't have the ability to play an instrument."

"And I'm going to say instrument too because I'm still praying that you can really shoot a gun just so I can see you crush Kanda, and you totally won't look out of place in a traveling circus because _duh_, look at that hair and scar! No offense though, darling."

"None taken, but don't call me darling." The teen smiled at him. "And Kanda?"

"Instrument. Because you look like a nerd and you _are _a nerd and nerds play instruments-,"

"But, Kanda," Lenalee cut off. "_You play the guitar_."

"My guitar's fuckin' _hardcore, _okay. This kid, on the other hand, probably plays something the _ultimate_ nerd would like a, uh, _gatari_." Allen kicked the back of the teen's seat again when he caught a self-satisfied smirk on Kanda's face via the rear view mirror.

"The fact that you _know_ about this _ultimate nerd instrument,_ which I never even heard of, speaks volumes to me." The British teen replied sweetly. "Oh my gosh, you all got it right!" he said, effectively drowning out the retort Kanda sent his way.

"Wait, so you really _were_ part of a traveling circus?" Lenalee asked. Any reply from Allen, however, was thrown out as the van swerved to the left (once again rattling the two occupants of the back seat), and skidded to an abrupt stop in front of the gate of a quaint three story house.

"We're here, get out." Kanda ordered, killing the engine and unlocking all the doors.

Unfortunately, when their driver decided to go out with a bang and stop the car extra _harshly_, Allen hit his head on Lavi's elbow._Hard. _And Lavi himself hit his own head on the window of his side of the car. _Hard_.

They both hissed in pain, blindly stumbled out of the car, and crashed on the front of the now open gate. A looming shadow made them both look up and Allen saw a tall Chinese man looking at them_- _or _him,_ to be more precise- oddly. He noted how the man's features resembled Lenalee and decided that this must be her brother, Komui.

He got up, off of Lavi, and lightly dusted his jeans off. "Hello, sir," he smiled at the bespectacled man who raised an eyebrow at him, but returned his smile.

The reply he got from Komui was not one he expected, though, and the smile never left the man's face as he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the teen.

"_You're a boy_."

* * *

><p>hahahaha h ha h ah hahaha fuck i n fan fci ti on<p>

u thought i abandoned this well u thought wrong sup i am back holla sweg four hundred twenty blaze eet

huh believe me when i say that i am actually, ah, _gomen_ for the disappearance; shit happened and now? ? ? ?

but yeah basically i am now back and i will be rewriting the first three chapters but it's not biggie like i'm just going to rephrase it and uh no major details will be added i just really dont like some of the dialogues and concepts and uh yeah pls go ahead and ignore me

but yes lenalee's cupcakes

hehe u get that huh heheheheheheh heheh hehehhhehe iw ant ur _cupcakes_ lenalee my love

also kanda's the biggest nerd ever like he sleeps with a _gatari_ under his pillow and prays to his gatari nerd god every night what who said that

btw if u dunno what a gatari is go ahead and google "nerdiest instrument" and it will appear there i swear like that's how i got it darn

and yes plot moves next chap hihi ok o k ok

and to all the brits out there, feel free to fly to my country and burn my room down if i butchered ur british slang im so sorry blame google

but of course u could totally just tell me i suck that's ok too


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